I've been pondering freedom.

Freedom is a gift. We are truly free as children of God, and truly free in Christ Jesus.

I think that we struggle with what does freedom mean. Most of our social structures are based on voluntarily giving up freedoms, including in the Church.

We love to have a few people who live more deeply into the gift of freedom as examples of what is possible. As often as not, we professionalize them and make them a special class of person (make them superhuman and therefore not human) to let ourselves off the hook of having to live in the wonderful, terrible freedom of God.

We also tend to segregate them, especially if they keep calling us to join them; and if they refuse to leave,  we murder them, either metaphorically or physically.

What pieces of freedom that I have chosen to accept have often left me alone, unsupported, or misunderstood. It has definitely led to conflict and pain. I understand how those who have chosen to live abandoned to the freedom of God almost always end up living as hermits, at least for periods of time.

Freedom seems to be the ultimate expression of antisocial behavior to the degree that a society/Church/monastery values absolutes. For this reason Jesus wept when he pointed out that we have always murdered those sent to us to proclaim God's love. St. Paul passionately pleaded that all of creation is waiting for the children of God to be revealed, for us all to embrace the freedom of absolute love which we have in Jesus, "it is for freedom that Christ set you free".

We get off track and miss the mark (sin - hamartia) because we mistake our freedom for license to indulge our self idolatry. This takes us to the age old law/grace conundrum.

So, who will live ever more deeply into true freedom? How do we do that? How do we live in freedom and stay in community, and not wander away either from following our delusions of self-mastery or from being ostracized by our community?

How can we live in freedom within un-free systems/relationships? There is no utopia, not yet, and we have to live this out now, with each other, a world full of confused and lost children.

I only know of one thing, one answer to all of these questions, and it remains unsatisfactory to my self idolatry because it provides no 'because', and no mechanism to make it all better (i.e., make everyone do what I desire). It also remains as the only answer, our only hope: to take up our cross daily, to follow the path of Christ, to love God, and to love everyone freely.

So, today, I am free to say 'yes' to love, even if my voice shakes and my heart nearly fails from fear. I will continue to say 'yes' until that perfect love casts out all of that fear, and I can walk in perfect freedom to love with a completely open heart/soul/spirit.

Pray for me, as I yet live with fear, because I still worship myself as a secret, small idol in my heart. Pray for me to be a true disciple, to turn away from idolatry and truly become a worshiper of the God who is Love.

You remain, as ever, in my thoughts and prayers.